wanderlustchapters's Xanga

all i ask for is time...this 2nd chance...to stay on

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 22:54:05 GMT

I know just exactly what i want right know...the chance to stay on...the chance to shine...i am so confident that if given this 2^nd chance, everything will work out so great...all i ask for Lord now...is just this one chance...i’ve always been so indecisive, not knowing the exact direction i want to go, where to settle on...now that i really know...here n all that i have right now...to make everyone proud & more importantly to prove to myself that i have all that it takes...i really really pray for this chance to make it all right...everything apart from family, my besties & close friends...i really do want this chance...just this one time & i know i’ll be able to ace it....pls dear Lord....just this one chance...i’ll be ever contented...all i really ask for is for this hurdle to be overcomed & all will be bright & i would do my best for the next 2 yrs to come...i promise...pls pls...let all be right...

r u still there?

Thu, 20 Aug 2009 22:38:27 GMT

If u thought ur life was empty, lonely & sad...look around, u’re not the only one. Trying times r not only for u but for many others around u. U’ve chose not to allow urself to heal, to let urself dwell further into ur self-encouraged sorrows...because u’ve closed ur doors to others, thinking only of ur problems & allowing them to blow into unnecessary proportions & thinking that everyone else has a better life, that others r not giving u enough attention.

Look again my dear, what have u overlooked over all these mths? by loving & caring for others who truly care about u, u would have been healed by now. The disappointment that’s built up within for the lack of attention u show; be it during times of happiness or sorrows that others try to share with u has come to the brink of giving up... patience is a virtue, only time will heal, yet time will also discourage...

Time & time again, waiting for u to bounce back...keeping faith that u’ll finally see the light n care for those who has truly stood by u, though u’ve consciously or subconsciously denied access to...

Can u see that things work both ways? They r reciprocal & when one gives too much, & though not hoping for anything in return, it’ll be nice to have been able to share some special moments with u if u were not being so ignorant . But our friendship is filled with love & it sees beyond many ugly chapters life brings about...this shall be just another to make a pass at & hopefully will not stay on long... no matter what happens...will always love u deeply my dear.

*~claire~*

gdbyes

Wed, 17 Jun 2009 22:42:13 GMT

goodbyes r never easy....as much as i thought this time round it wouldn't be that difficult but when reality takes place & it coming so abruptly.......does feel rather heavy hearted. when the news breaks......am just left to suddenly stare out into nothing & wonder.....tats it? the most difficult part is that its not the end......its not final.....yet u know it'll be totally different in no time....in a manner that u could only guess....u can't request.....u can't demand cos circumstances make it such.....timing make it such....there's a time for everything....moving from one place to another, ppl entering your live n parting.....

i often think back n wonder....would it have been better if all these didn't happen? would it have saved all these heavy-hearted moments?...........but then again.....if given a choice, i wouldn't trade these short but meaningful moments....memories that has made a difference. people kept asking...."u think u're gonna miss preston when u leave?".....std answer used to be....."i'm not sure".....which was the truth.....i'd probably miss it being my uni life but nothing in particular.....but now that has changed....deep down......that answer has changed......silently in the heart.....it whispers...."yes, i will. i already am".

been time n time again, life starts over, in new places, with new people....expecting certain things, n then with a turn of events things happen differently, sometimes much better than i could ask for, sometimes........with minor mishaps. but i'll still stand by my faith that these are just the transitions we all need @ this point of our lives, this age we're at.....that with many things still unsettled, there's still much more packing n unpacking to do until we finally find our selves a place where we feel that we truly belong.

although so many gdbyes have been made, foreseen ones, unforseen ones, silent ones, major ones;where everyone comes n bid farewell, & then in no time u look back n think y all the big hoo-hahs.....y all the tears....y all the heavy-heartedness when the next thing u know, u've adapted to the changes......or its time for reunion again.....yet.....y is it still always so difficult when the moment arrives? i knew it won't be easy but when that msg beeped......the heavy-heartedness did not spare itself.......yet i know this won't be the last time i felt this way........

i see rainbow :)

Mon, 25 May 2009 17:14:46 GMT

i see rainbow.....that is literally how i felt @ that moment when we saw this rainbow on the way to the cinema....with what happened so unexpectedly & so coincidently just before that & with the movie we watched ..........

goodness........i don't remember when was the last time i saw one

but like rainbows, i know all these would be temporary, a moment in time that would just pass through & as such, moments i should just enjoy while they come by. though knowingly will be short, they'll still be sweet captured @ the right moment & treasured in the memories just like this pic ..........

it won't be you...but you!!! :p

Wed, 08 Apr 2009 17:51:50 GMT

saw this quote in a shop last week & it keeps running through the mind. if only it was so easy to say it outloud..........

"i can only please one person per day, today's not ur day, & tmw doesn't look good either".

it is frustrating that sometimes there r so much more that u'd like to do & explore yet restrained by just the environment sometimes we're put in, & i'm sure the besties undestand just what i'm trying to say. it does feel suffocating @ times when u think back to urself n wonder....y r plans kept being interrupted when it's my own prerogative of what i'd like to do......what r ideals for me......n just because , there's this huge chasm in mentality, it's not subject to others' judgmentalness......

but then again, think all u want .....cos everyday doesn't look good for pleasing you (with this i mean, by choice.....singularly & plurally applies.....lalala) & it's my own prerogative to choose who that person of the day or everyday for a matter of fact would be.

it just feels so great to finally find ppl whom u can intellectually, emotionally n socially connect with........& they shall be the person of the day or just any moment in time!!!

p/s: contents of this post may have implications that may be misread & therefore is meant only for those who's mentality can connect intellectually @ the same wave lengths to fully appreciate.......

arriving @ the last bit of a magical chapter

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 00:57:32 GMT

only went to bed @ 6.30am & got up @ 7.45am for class. & without even realising it, this morn's class was the very last session of my entire academic life....it's all flew pass so quickly....

@ this time last yr, i wasn't even sure if i'd be coming to the uk, to the states or australia....

2yrs back this time....hmm.....i think us jan '06s just got back from our outbound trip to chengdu & bangkok.

3yrs ago this time of the yr, i would have just completed my very 1st project @ shtlm, the baba nyonya arch presentation......from there, so much have developed, the abundant opportunities....was just amazing

4yrs back...just the start of a very mad experience living in palmville, with maximum ~ tai-d, drinking, football mania, midnight african-mamak sessions @ ss14 & a lot of mcD "studying" sessions, ipoh tour-guiding.......& definitely vietnamisation (which i do miss a lot) & minimal monash session :p

5yrs ago this time of the yr...just about working towards the end of CIMP.

to sum up all 5yrs after leaving school & living away from home for college, then uni......it's been amazing. from the lil me......(not that i've grown any taller now....just sideways....which still remains a constant battle.).........to a somewhat more matured, independent & confident person..........

to see myself developed in ways that if given a 2nd chance, i wouldn't have chosen any other path. everything happens for a reason & if not for the way things have worked out, be it gd or bad, i would be a different person today......

i've enjoyed the ride & "contentment" is still the key i hold on to (though the besties would be shaking their heads now with this word they dislike hearing out of me), there's been great achievements, setbacks @ times.....but overall, i do not regret any of it & am thkful for every lil experience........especially the 2 yrs in shtlm which i think really made a huge difference. from being just a student to having work experience, doing small things, big things, real things........

& though i still have 3 assignments yet to be worked on from scratch.........the sense of achievement over the very final project we've organised; UCLAN united & the tremendous positive feedback from the participants, sponsors, lecturer & especially the compliments for our group effort & presentation @ the end is overwhelming. it's meant so much to wrap up the entire 5 yrs with a great bang..........the best feedback i think anyone of us 5 in the group have ever received in our entire studies...

the path from here.....is still very vague.....so unclear that i hope that phone call i'm waiting for would shed some light & brighten up the path.....but whatever it may be, i know the path ahead will be bright......somehow......things will just work out great.......like how the past 5 yrs have been.......................

it's a long way to go from here but with beautiful sceneries i anticipate......& i'll smell the roses along the way.......while reminiscing days gone by from time to time to remind myself just how blessed & thkful i am :) what would the next chpt be like...hmm....

a new chapter yet to "spring-to-life"

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 01:32:13 GMT

i'm suddenly looking forward to spring very much. i can't wait for the change in the season, not cos of the weather, the snow's fun.....but suddenly it came across my mind how the season change may just be another new chapter.......

bestie jia's humming of "summer kisses.....winter tears........" is playing in my head on & on again. i've forgotten bout this cos it was so many mths ago when this joke was made.....but how true it's proven to be.........actually, jia.....i think u can consider changing jobs....go be fortune teller/ tarrot card reader. then u can dress-up like gypsy....hehehe

well, it has just lift my mood......lil thoughts that comes across the mind......but interestingly just puts that lil smile so easily.......

was looking through some old posts too.....& oddly, i just realised how much i've moved on from sunway days.......& as strange as it may be, i really have u to thk, truthfully, sincerely.........for all the ups & downs that came about, u've helped me moved on in such a way that perhaps if without those times......i'll probably still be stuck in my sunway days.....& also for ur existence i've woken up to reality........to now see things in a different light, & to think for myself a lil more than before.

i shall now crawl under my duvet with this lil smile & dream of the new chapter yet to unfold.....

*~am happily contented in my own small way........~*

ignorance is not always bliss :)

Mon, 16 Feb 2009 16:10:22 GMT

some things that are meant to be discovered, will always somehow be discovered; intentionally, by accident...whatever may happen, will still be revealed. though a strong believer that ignorance @ many times is bliss but sometimes...this may not hold true.

i'm so happy with some discoveries i've accidentally made lately. it's felt so gd....i know it sounds a lil insane, but it's made me feel so happy, i'm so glad for them.

& bestie,

i hope it's the same for u too. some discoveries may be shocking, too painful, raising so many doubts in ur mind right now.....but trust me, they actually do more gd than harm. & i really really hope they turn out the same way for u ........& that it'll help u move on & be happy once again. it's really all in the mind, & i strongly believe that my bestie.....is so much stronger a person than she thinks she is.

with lots of love,

claire

stupid self-centredness

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 18:27:00 GMT

sigh....i've just ruined all the efforts i was taking to bring everyone together....for the reunion of friendships left aside for quite a while yet still standing strong.

i tried.....i wanted everyone to get together but the self-centredness that crept in on that one occasion just ruined everything. though being forgiven, it does not mean it didn't happen & could be erased off just like that & worst of all, i don't even have a clue what was said & done that night. i wished i could recall......i know i've done things that have hurt & disappointed the few people that matters most....

y is it that time & time again i repeat such stupid mistakes....when all were going well till that occasion........i guess as much as i try to be there for others, to understand others, to support them as much as i can.....i am still too self-centred. this has got to change before it ruins everything else. claire.......wake up & don't be so bloody self-centred!!! i am furious with myself. i can't bring myself to accepting how stupidly i have just ruined the things i treasure so much......reunions. i am so so sorry......

mixed feelings

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 00:27:01 GMT

in a way, i can't wait to be flying back. in a way, i wish it wasn't so soon. in a way, i don't wanna go back at all. once i go back, all the changes that is taking place will finally hit me in the face. while here, i can still hide under my shell. live in a state of denial. push them to the back of the mind n not feel reality. not see how final things really are. how long more would this living in temporary time n spaces go on for? i just wished that the feeling of going home was like what i had in mind when i left......not how it feels like right now. not how reality has twisted it.......