goodbyes r never easy....as much as i thought this time round it wouldn't be that difficult but when reality takes place & it coming so abruptly.......does feel rather heavy hearted. when the news breaks......am just left to suddenly stare out into nothing & wonder.....tats it? the most difficult part is that its not the end......its not final.....yet u know it'll be totally different in no time....in a manner that u could only guess....u can't request.....u can't demand cos circumstances make it such.....timing make it such....there's a time for everything....moving from one place to another, ppl entering your live n parting.....

i often think back n wonder....would it have been better if all these didn't happen? would it have saved all these heavy-hearted moments?...........but then again.....if given a choice, i wouldn't trade these short but meaningful moments....memories that has made a difference.  people kept asking...."u think u're gonna miss preston when u leave?".....std answer used to be....."i'm not sure".....which was the truth.....i'd probably miss it being my uni life but nothing in particular.....but now that has changed....deep down......that answer has changed......silently in the heart.....it whispers...."yes, i will. i already am".

been time n time again, life starts over, in new places, with new people....expecting certain things, n then with a turn of events things happen differently, sometimes much better than i could ask for, sometimes........with minor mishaps. but i'll still stand by my faith that these are just the transitions we all need @ this point of our lives, this age we're at.....that with many things still unsettled, there's still much more packing n unpacking to do until we finally find our selves a place where we feel that we truly belong.

although so many gdbyes have been made, foreseen ones, unforseen ones, silent ones, major ones;where everyone comes n bid farewell, & then in no time u look back n think y all the big hoo-hahs.....y all the tears....y all the heavy-heartedness when the next thing u know, u've adapted to the changes......or its time for reunion again.....yet.....y is it still always so difficult when the moment arrives? i knew it won't be easy but when that msg beeped......the heavy-heartedness did not spare itself.......yet i know this won't be the last time i felt this way........

saw this quote in a shop last week & it keeps running through the mind. if only it was so easy to say it outloud..........

"i can only please one person per day, today's not ur day, & tmw doesn't look good either".

it is frustrating that sometimes there r so much more that u'd like to do & explore yet restrained by just the environment sometimes we're put in, & i'm sure the besties undestand just what i'm trying to say. it does feel suffocating @ times when u think back to urself n wonder....y r plans kept being interrupted when it's my own prerogative of what i'd like to do......what r ideals for me......n just because , there's this huge chasm in mentality, it's not subject to others' judgmentalness......

but then again, think all u want .....cos everyday doesn't look good for pleasing you (with this i mean, by choice.....singularly & plurally applies.....lalala)  & it's my own prerogative to choose who that person of the day or everyday for a matter of fact would be.

it just feels so great to finally find ppl whom u can intellectually, emotionally n socially connect with........& they shall be the person of the day or just any moment in time!!!

p/s: contents of this post may have implications that may be misread & therefore is meant  only for those who's mentality can connect intellectually @ the same wave lengths to fully appreciate....... 

i'm suddenly looking forward to spring very much. i can't wait for the change in the season, not cos of the weather, the snow's fun.....but suddenly it came across my mind how the season change may just be another new chapter.......

bestie jia's humming of "summer kisses.....winter tears........" is playing in my head on & on again. i've forgotten bout this cos it was so many mths ago when this joke was made.....but how true it's proven to be.........actually, jia.....i think u can consider changing jobs....go be fortune teller/ tarrot card reader. then u can dress-up like gypsy....hehehe

well, it has just lift my mood......lil thoughts that comes across the mind......but interestingly just puts that lil smile so easily.......

was looking through some old posts too.....& oddly, i just realised how much i've moved on from sunway days.......& as strange as it may be, i really have u to thk, truthfully, sincerely.........for all the ups & downs that came about, u've helped me moved on in such a way that perhaps if without those times......i'll probably still be stuck in my sunway days.....& also for ur existence i've woken up to reality........to now see things in a different light, & to think for myself a lil more than before.

i shall now crawl under my duvet with this lil smile & dream of the new chapter yet to unfold..... 

*~am happily contented in my own small way........~*